Dialogue

Dialogue is when two parties work together to understand each other, usually with the goal of resolving a specific problem or conflict. Joseph Phelps offers a useful "what it's not" definition:

• it isn’t preaching, because it is two-way communication
• it isn’t a debate, because the parties work together
• it isn’t a chat, because it has purpose and direction
• it isn’t mediation, because there is no third party
• it isn’t collaboration, because the meaningful differences of the parties are recognized and respected
• it isn’t a compromise, because its primary goal is for each party to understand the other just as they are

In short, it’s a two-way street. Both parties must agree to dialogue, and actively participate if it is to continue.

The goal of dialogue is firstly and foremostly mutual understanding, before addressing conflict resolution, if required. A good start would be drawing up some tables like these…

For a religious, philosophical or ideological discussion (cf. Worldviews), or anything else regarding matters of fact or understanding:

For conflict resolution, where the issue is primarily one of grievances, justice or a proposed course of action:

In most real-world situations, some question of fact or belief underlies a question of action or justice — you will probably need to address both sets of questions. In any case, you would start at the top and bottom of the table, with what the two parties have in common, and work toward their differences in the middle. Remember that while dialogue is purpose-driven, you first need to get to the point of mutual understanding before you can go further.

Openness, Persuasiveness and Risk

You can't force someone to dialogue, or to listen fairly to what you have to say, or to take it seriously. That is always going to be their choice. You can, however, demonstrate your own sincerity and your respect for them by doing so yourself. If you want them to understand your viewpoint you need to explain it as persuasively as you know how, and then expect the same from them. If you want them to be open to what you have to say, then you need to be open to their position also. This involves risk.

Honesty, Humility and Respect

Likewise (see above), you cannot force others to be honest or fair, you can only extend the same courtesy to them that you expect from them. The recognition that neither you nor they know everything is also helpful, and should indicate the need to reserve judgements, both for the purpose of further reflection, and for finding further information as the need becomes apparent.

Individuality and Patience

Finally, it should be obvious that most differences take time to understand, let alone to actually resolve in any way. The most useful attitudes, given this, are patience and a commitment to deal with the individual, rather than a stereotype, a caricature, or even just an average representative of their viewpoint.